The Reason Why
by ADDIrocks
Summary: Addek my take on why Derek chose Addison
1. Chapter 1

**originally posted this story on TI, this was my very first try at fanfic, so I hope you enjoy. This is an Addek story, I always wondered why he chose Addison over Meredith, so this is my take on it.**

**Disclaimer: I in no way own or have anything to do with the characters on GA or the show itself.**

**The Reason Why – Addek**

**Part I**

The interns were gathered around the message board and they were discussing the likelihood of any of them playing for the surgeon baseball team.

George stammered, "I. . . I can play baseball." "I'm a good baseball player," he asserted.

"Seriously you want to play baseball?" Cristina asked shaking her head. "There is no way you would catch me out there, besides I doubt they will let interns play," Cristina said sure of herself.

"Of course they are gonna let us play surgeons are some of the most competitive people out there, and if they want a winning team they will want some of us on their team." Alex gave George look that said he doubted they would want him on the team.

"Really guys I'm a good baseball player," George stated more firmly.

Izzie look up and saw The She-Shepherd approaching them and said, "Hey Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd are you going to sign up for the surgeon baseball team?"

"What?" she asked not really paying attention to what was asked.

"The surgeon baseball team, are you going to sign up?" Izzie asked again.

A pained look flashed across Addison face, but she quickly regained her composure. "No Dr. Stevens I have no plans of signing up for the baseball team, if you will excuse me, I have a patient to check up on." She quickly turned and walked back in the direction she had come from.

The interns exchanged looks; Meredith said, "That was weird".

Just then Dr. McDreamy walked up behind them and asked curiously, "What's weird?"

The interns exchanged looks again and Izzie said, "Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd not waiting to sign up for the surgeon baseball team."

"Oh I see," Derek's face became distressed.

"So what about you Dr. Shepherd, are you going to sign up for the baseball team?" George asked.

Derek gave them a weak smile and quietly said, "No I don't play baseball." He walked off in the same direction Addison had taken.

The interns once again exchanged looks and Izzie said, "Whoa what's up with the Shepherds and baseball?"

They saw Chief Webber approaching. Alex asked, "Dr. Webber are the interns allowed to sign up for the surgeon baseball team? Bet you will need us since it seems like some of the attendings don't seem to like baseball".

"Sure Karev the interns can sign up, and what do you mean that the attendings don't like baseball?" asked the chief looking puzzled.

Meredith spoke up, "Both Drs. Shepherd said they wouldn't sign up."

For a moment Chief Webber had a sad look on his face, but quickly turned to a neutral look "Yeah I didn't expect them to sign up, but you are all more then welcome to sign on. I'm sure you will all give us a winning team this year."

Derek slowly approached Addison; he could see she was struggling to compose herself. He walked up to her and put his arms around her, she leaned into him. They didn't say a word they just stood there in each other's arms.


	2. Chapter 2

The Reason Why – Part II

Down in the ER, the doors crashed open with two paramedics pushing a gurney with a young boy on it, they were followed by two frantic parents. One of the paramedics gave the run down on the boy, seven years old, unconscious since being hit in the head by a baseball. Cristina directed them to exam room two and asked the nurse, "Page Dr. Shepherd." The boy is definitely going to need a neurosurgeon. Then she noticed the mother appeared to be about six months pregnant seemed to be hyperventilating. "And better Page Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd too."

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Derek and Addison were sitting close to one and other in the cafeteria, they didn't seem to be saying anything to one and other, just sitting doing paperwork, with an occasional touch to acknowledge the person sitting next to them. Addison sat back in her chair nursing a cup of coffee, while Derek munch on an apple, both doctors didn't seem to be in the mood for any conversation.

A pager broke the silence between the two, they both looked down to see if it was their pager, Derek looked up and said, "It's me the ER." He rose leaned over and gave his wife a soft kiss on her cheek.

Just then Addison's pager burst to life, she glanced down then looked up at Derek. "ER," she said with a small smile. "Shall we ride down together?" Both Dr. Shepherds headed for the ER.

Debbie the nurse behind the admittance desk saw the Drs. Shepherd exiting the elevator. "You are both needed in Exam Room two."

"Thank you Debbie," Derek and Addison said in unison, as they headed to the room they were needed in.

Cristina looked up as the Drs. Shepherd entered the room. "We have a seven year old male, unconscious he has been out for twenty minutes."

"Thank you Dr. Yang and does he have a name?" Derek raised his eyebrows awaiting an answer.

Cristina flipped through the boy's chart. "Yes his name is Jeremy Storm, and these are his parents Robert and Molly Storm."

Derek nodded and introduced himself to Jeremy's parents, "I'm Dr. Shepherd, can you tell me what happened to your son?" Derek looked over at Addie; she had started a preliminary exam on Mrs. Storm.

Mr. Storm tried to remain calm he took a deep breath and let it out slowing then began, "We were at my son's little league game; he was pitching and was hit by a line drive. It happened so fast, he threw the ball and next thing we knew he was on the ground. I never imagined my son could get hurt so severely playing baseball, I. . ." The man started to break down.

Cristina noticed Addison's head snapped up, she was staring at Derek, she had a strange look on her face and seemed to pale. Derek and Addison's eyes locked for a beat, Cristina could see there was some silent communication between the two doctors. There was an ever so slight nod to each other and then they both slammed the door on where ever the minds had gone to. They were once again two doctors concentrating on the problems at hand.

Derek immediately brought his attention back to Mr. Storm. "Okay Mr. Storm I'm going to look your son over, but I can tell you right now he is most likely going to need surgery."

Derek stood over the small boy clad in a baseball uniform he took a small light and checked the boy's eyes, and then he checked the boy's reflexes. Derek checked the monitors and started writing notes in the boy's charts. He looked down at the boy again, and put his hand on the boy's dark curly hair.

Addison looked up and watched her husband, he had his hand on the boy's head ruffling the dark curls, for a split second she lost her composure and you could see the pain in her eyes. She immediately snapped out it, and turned her attention back to the boy's mother, Molly Storm. "Hi Mrs. Storm I'm Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd." Addison gently put her hand on Molly's arm and gave her a reassuring smile.

Molly looked up at Addison, and began to panic. "Please tell me my son is going to be alright," Molly began to sob.

"Calm down Mrs. Storm," Addison began but she was interrupted.

"Molly, please call me Molly," Molly said through her tears.

"Okay Molly you need to calm down, you aren't going to either of children any good if you don't. You're son is in the best possible hands right now." Addison glance up at Derek, and gave him a weak smile which he returned. "Just take a deep breath and slowly let it out," she said reassuringly.

Molly did as she was told, Addison smiled at her patient and gently said, "That's right, just relax we will do everything in our power to help your son."

Derek looked at both parent and took a deep breath his mind was racing, he had to keep control and not think about the past, he had to block out all memories. "Mr. and Mrs. Storm your son's condition is very serious, we will need you to sign a release form so I can operate. Aidan must get surgery immediately."

"Hold on a minute Doctor," Mr. Storm interrupted. "Who's Aidan, our son's name is Jeremy?" he asked slightly worried.

Addison flashed a look at Derek; she knew he was having the same problem as she was. "Yes Jeremy," Derek looked down at the unconscious boy with the dark curly hair. "He will need immediate surgery to stop the bleeding in his brain," he replied trying to maintain his professional demeanor.

"Okay, okay where are these forms we will sign them immediately.Please, please help out boy," Mrs. Storm sobbed. Addison gently put her hand on Molly's arm again trying to calm her.

Just then George entered the room. Derek looked up at him and asked, "George will you please escort Mr. Storm to the admittance desk, so he can sign the proper forms for both Jeremy and Mrs. Storm?"

George escorted Mr. Storm to the desk so he could sign the release forms so Derek could perform the surgery. Mr. Storm had to fill out all the insurance forms for both his son and his wife. He couldn't believe this was happening, an hour ago they were at a little league game, life was perfect and now, now it was all falling apart.

Having the release forms signed, Derek and Cristina started to wheel the boy out of the room, but Addison asked him to hold up a minute. She helped Molly up so she could say goodbye to her son.

Molly stood over her son tears running down her face, she gently brushed his cheek. "I love you baby, you are gonna be ok, you hear me baby?" Molly quietly said, "You are gonna be ok."

As Molly was talking to her son Addison and Derek locked eyes, she gave a slight nod to Derek as if telling him, she knew he help this boy. He returned the nod letting her know he was going to do everything in his power to make sure this boy survived. He was not going to let this family fall apart. They looked down at the dark curly haired boy, then locked eyes again and gave each other an encouraging smile. Addison reached up and touched his cheek and whispered in his ear, "I know you can do this, you're the best babe and things will be different for this boy."She gently kissed his cheek. He nodded again. Derek and Cristina wheeled the boy out of the room and headed to the OR.

Meredith joined Derek and Cristina in the elevator. She looked over at Derek he seemed in another world. "Derek. . .," she broke into his thoughts.

"Meredith this is going to be a very long and difficult procedure, both Cristina and you will need to be on the ball here, no mistakes," he said sternly.

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Addison helped Molly back to the bed; she could see the anxiety on woman's face. Addison smiled down at the woman. "Try not to worry so much Aidan. . .," Addison stopped herself. For a brief moment a look of pain crossed her face, but she quickly regained her composure. "I mean Jeremy is in the best of hands," she smiled gently at her. "My husband is the best neurosurgeon in the country and he will do everything in his power to help your son."

Dr. Stevens, Dr. O'Malley and Mr. Storm walked in the exam room. Addison looked up as they entered. "Mr. Storm we going to monitor your wife and I've also set up an IV with something that will help her relax. We want to try to keep her stress levels down in this difficult situation," she explained with her cool practiced professional tone.

Mr. Storm nodded at Addison and gave her a weak smile. He walked over to his wife's side and knelt down beside then took her hand in his, he was trying so hard to keep thing under control.

Addison gave the couple a reassuring smile, "Okay I'm going to leave you here, try and remain calm Molly. Just remember Jeremy is in good hands." Addison reached down and gave Molly's arm a little squeeze. "I know it's going to be difficult, but try to get some rest. It's going to be a long operation and the better rested you are when Ai. . . Jeremy gets out of surgery, the better for you all. He's going need you at full strength when he comes out." Addison looked at Mr. Storm and back to Molly then said with a small nod, "I have to do rounds now so, if you need anything or have any questions please have me paged." With that Addison turned and left the room. Izzie watched the retreating doctor, there was something up with Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd, with both Drs. Shepherd. This case really seemed to be affecting them. They both really seemed to have a hard time keeping their emotions in check.

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Izzie walked into the locker room, she had seen Addison rush in there a few minutes before. "Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd?" Izzie saw that she startled her and noticed that her superior seemed to have tears in her eyes.

Addison quickly wiped the tears away and tried to compose herself then asked with the strain slightly showing in her voice, "Yes Dr. Stevens do you need something?" Izzie stood there looking down biting her bottom lip then back up, but just couldn't seem to get anything out. "Spit it out Stevens what do you need?" Addison said more sharply then she meant to.

"I just wanted to let you know that the labs are back on Mrs. Storm," Izzie managed to finally get out. Izzie handed the files to Addison and gave her a weak smile.

Addison opened the file and started looking them over. Izzie stood there observing Addison.She wondered why this case seemed to have affected her so strongly. Addison looked up at Izzie in a quizzical manner. "Is there something else you needed Dr. Stevens?" she asked her tone remaining cold.

Izzie shook her head and replied nervously. "No Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd that's all."

Addison nodded at the young intern and said with a little more warmth, "Thank you Dr. Stevens I'll be up to check on Mrs. Storm shortly."

Izzie nodded then she quickly turned and left the room. Addison looked after the retreating intern, and then went back to Mrs. Storm's chart. It looked like Molly was going to be fine for now. All the tests came back normal, her blood pressure was still a bit elevated, but that was to be expected. Addison just hoped Derek would be able to help the Storm boy, because if he couldn't Addison didn't want to think what would happen if he couldn't save him. She put the file down and dropped her head in her hands, and whispered a small prayer, "Please, please let him be okay."

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Derek worked a quickly as he possibly could to get the bleeding under control, he couldn't let this boy die he had to make sure this boy pulled through this surgery. Meredith looked at Derek; she had never seen him so intense before. Yes he was always brilliant in surgery, but something was different here.

"Suction!" Derek yelled demanding their immediate attention.

"Blood pressure dropping," Christina said in a steady no nonsense voice. Derek really appreciated her detachment right now, since it was all he could do to keep his emotions under control.

Derek continued his work. "Damn it Aidan!" Derek blinked and whispered under his breath. "Hang in there Jeremy just hang in there buddy," he pleaded with the boy.

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Addison smiled at the woman in the bed in front of her, she was hooked up to monitors and had an IV attached to her left arm. "Hey there, how are you doing?" Addison asked quietly giving Molly a sympathetic smile.

"Scared to death," Molly tried desperately to keep her emotions in check, she needed to be strong for both her children. "I can't imagine my life with out my boy, he is everything to us," her voice wavered with fear.

Addison sat next to Molly and took her hand. "Hey," she said gently. "Of course you are scared to death any mother would be." She said reassuringly to the woman, "Just remember he has the best neurosurgeon in the country working on him." Addison gave her a supportive smile and squeezed her hand. "I asked Dr. Stevens to get an update on Aidan's. . . I mean Jeremy's progress."

Molly looked at Dr. Montgomery Shepard.She noticed a pained look on the doctor's face when she first said the wrong name for her son. Her husband had made the same mistake with their son's name.

Addison looked around the room curiously, "Where's Mr. Storm at?"

Molly gave her a weak smile, "I made him go up to the waiting area, so he could get updated on Jeremy." She inhaled deeply then slowly exhaled, "His pacing was making me nervous."

Addison gave her a knowing smile then gave her hand another reassuring squeeze. "I asked Dr. Stevens to give us updates on how Jeremy is doing."

Just then Dr. Stevens entered the room, Molly and Addison looked up at her with anticipation.

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	3. Chapter 3

The Reason Why – Part III

Just then Dr. Stevens entered the room, Molly and Addison looked up at her with anticipation.

"Great new Mrs. Storm" Izzie had a big smile on her face "Jeremy is out of surgery he made it though with flying colors. He is now awake in ICU and he should have a full recovery. Your husband is with your son right now" both women let out a breath they didn't even know they were holding.

Addie gave her patient a quick hug with tears in her eyes she said "see I told you he was in good hands" she smiled down at the Molly "I know how anxious you are to see you son, we made arrangements for you to be moved to his room. I want to keep you here for observation over night"She told the woman with a small smile, she gave the woman's arm another gentle squeeze.

"Thank you Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd" she said with a sigh of relief then she looked up at Addie and she saw the doctor was struggling to keep her emotions in check.

"Okay you get some rest Molly" she smiled down at her you could see the shine of tears starting to form in her eyes. "I'm going to make sure all the arrangements have been made for your room" she gave Molly a smile and her leg squeeze then rose from the bed and left the room.

Molly and Izzie looked after the retreating doctor.

"Dr. Stevens who is Aidan?" Molly asked hesitantly because she really wanted to know.

"Aidan?" Izzie looked confused "I don't know an Aidan" she shrugged "Why do you ask?"

Molly had a puzzled look on her face "well both Drs. Shepard mistakenly called Jeremy Aidan when they were talking to us about his condition" she furrowed her brow "it just seemed like an odd mistake."

"Hmm, I have no clue" Izzie thought that was odd too. "Well I'm going to go and check up on Jeremy again, so I can give you more news." She grinned at the woman as said "I'll have one of his doctors come and talk to you too."

"Thank you Dr. Stevens and please tell my husband not to leave Jeremy's side" her smile grew on her face as the relief sunk in "and please let him know I'm fine."

Izzie nodded and assured the woman "I will make sure he knows." She could see the woman relax before her. Thank god her son is okay. She didn't know how the Storms would have handled things if this had turned out differently. Luckily for the Storm family they had both Shepherd doctors here to take care of them.

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Izzie ran into Christina and Meredith at the nurse's station "Oh My God!" Christina exclaimed "that was the most amazing surgery ever. I can't believe Dr. Shepard pulled that off."

Meredith nodded in agreement "Derek was so intense in there, it was like he had a personal stake in the out come I don't think he would have been able to handle it if that boy didn't pull through" she said with a hit of worry in her voice.

"Hey Meredith, has Derek ever mentioned an Aidan to you?" Izzie asked timidly.

"Aidan?'she looked puzzled. "Funny you should ask that during surgery, I could have sworn Derek called Jeremy Aidan. why do you ask?"

"Mrs. Storm asked me, I guess both Shepherds called Jeremy Aidan a one point, it's just kind of weird" she said with a shrug.

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Addison entered Derek's office; she knew she would findhim there. He was sitting behind his desk with the back of the chair to her.

Shewalked across the room to his side he sat there with his head in his hands. She could tell by how he was shaking he was crying.She rushed to him kneeling in front of him. She gently placed her hands on his knees giving him a light squeeze. He looked down at his wife, their eyes locked and she saw the pain in his eyes she knew exactly how he felt, his eyes matched hers.

He grabbed her hands and pulled her up onto his lap. He put his arms securely around her and she kissed his cheek gently then whispered in his ear "you did it baby" she choked out "you saved him."

He looked at her again she had tears running down her face that matched his own. He wrapped his arms tighter around his wife and snuggled her closer to his chest and whispered back "I know baby, I saved him."

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Addie walked into Molly Storms room, now that the crisis was over all of Molly's stats were back to normal. She still wanted to keep her in the hospital because she knew Molly would want to stay with her son until he was fully recovered.

She walked over to the sleeping boy, the boy's dark curls were gone now and his head wrapped with white gauze hiding the fact that they shaved his head for the operation. She smiled down at the boy then looked over at his mother.

"Hi Molly"she said with a smile "How are you feeling?"

"Amazing Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd" she let out a small sigh "a little tired but I've never felt so happy" she gave Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd a smile.

"That's great to hear"she looked around the room.

Molly could tell what the doctor's next question would be, so she answered it for her "now that Jeremy and I are both ok, I made Robert go home and get some sleep."

She smiled at her again and asked "so do you have any questions I can answer for you?"

"Well actually I was curious about something. It's really not medically related though. I don't want to pry and you don't have to answer if you don't want to, I would totally understand" Molly smiled weakly at the doctor standing before her.

"Well ask away, I'll do my best to ask whatever question you have" she smiled at her patient. She was so relieved this family wasn't going to have to live with the heartache of losing a child.

"Okay"she began hesitantly she had been curious about this, but she wasn't sure if she had a right to ask her doctor this question, she hesitated not being able to go on.

Addie gently touched the woman's arm "its ok Molly go ahead and ask me what has been bothering you" she gave the woman a reassuring smile.

"I was curious while you and your husband, Dr. Shepherd were talking about Jeremy's condition, you both called him Aidan" shelooked up at her doctor apprehensively. She could see the pain across her face "I'm sorry you don't have to answer me, really I'm so sorry, I know it's none of my business, please forget I asked"she head dropped she felt so horrible that her question seemed to cause her doctor so much pain.

Addie looked at the woman sitting before her; she knew Molly didn't mean to hurt her. Hell she knew thatshe would understand her pain more then anyone else in this world. She took a deep breath and slowly blew it out.

"Molly, do you mind if I have a seat here?"she asked gesturing to the side of the bed next to her.

Shepatted the bed next to her and said "please Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd have a seat."

"Molly please call me Addison or better yet Addie" she gaveher a small smile.

"Boy you asked one tough question" she let out a long breath and began to answer Molly's question. "There's a reason Derek and I both mistakenly called Jeremy Aidan" she looked up ather tentatively "my son's name was Aidan" she stopped, she wasn't sure if she would be able to go on. She could feel the tears starting to burn the back of her eyes.

Molly saw how distressed she was becoming and gently asked "was?"

Addie nodded her head "Yes Aidan was killed almost two years ago" a tear started downher cheek.

"Oh my god Addie, I'm so sorry. . . I . . . oh god Addie, I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked" Molly took Addie's hand in hers and gave them a squeeze.

"No Molly it's ok. It's funny its something Derek and I just don't talk about" she gave her a half smile "Derek and I haven't been in Seattle for very long. Derek has been here for about a year and I've been here for almost nine months." Stopped for a moment "as far as I know only the Chief, Dr. Webber and his wife know about Aidan and what happened to him."

Molly nodded at Addie and squeezed her hand, letting her know she understood and urging her to continue. "Whew, this is harder then what I thought it would be." She bit her bottom lip and looked down at her hands "there's a reason we kept calling Jeremy Aidan, it's because the entire situation was so similar to what happened to Aidan. It's really scary how closely Jeremy and Aidan's accidents mirrored each other." She hesitated again and wiped a tear from her face "Aidan was seven, he was playing in a little league baseball game just like Jeremy" she could see the tears starting to form in Molly's eyes and didn't want to put any stress on the woman sitting in front of her "Molly I can stop if want, you don't need to hear this" she started to rise but Molly held her hand tighter.

"No Addie please continue I want you to tell me about your son" said she gently.

"Okay" she nodded "okay well just like Jeremy, Aidan was playing pitcher and a line drive hit him in the head. He was in surgery for eight hours, but they weren't able to save him" the tears were starting to stream down Addie's face. Molly had tears coming down her face as well. Addie reached into her lab coat pocket and pulled out a photograph. She looked down at the picture that was taken the day of Aidan's accident and sadly smiled at it and then she passed it to Molly.

"This was taken the day of the accident, Derek and I went from this amazingly happy family with everything we could have possibly wanted to. . ." she stopped what she was saying and studied Molly's reaction to her family's picture.

Molly stared at the picture and the tears started to stream faster down her face. Staring back at her were three smiling faces, Derek with a big smile on his face with his arm around his wife, Addie also with a glowing smile on her face, both had a hand on their young son's shoulder. The boy had dark curls popping out from under his baseball cap, with a big grin on his face. You could see he was missing his front teeth. They all looked so happy, studying the picture more she could see that Addie was aboutfive orsix months pregnant as well. Their situation really was almost exactly like her family. Oh my god how did they manage to make it through this, how did they keep it together?

Molly stared at Addie they both had tears streaming down their face.She choked out another question "You were pregnant too?"

Addie nodded.

Molly hesitated a moment not wanting to hear the answer to her next question "and the child you were carrying?"

Shecould see more pain in Addie's eyes; she gave her another weak smile and bit her lower lip again. "After Aidan's death" stopped and tried to compose herself "I went into premature labor, Danica was born three and half months premature, she was what we term a micro-preemie, she survived four hours" she stopped and dropped her gaze to her hands.

"Addie I'm so sorry, my god I don't know how you both managed to survive this, I. . ." she stopped her by raising her hand.

"It was the hardest thing Derek and I ever had to go through, we lost everything our son, our daughter, eventually our marriage" she pursed her lips and composed herself.

"Derek and I both had a hard time dealing with our children's deaths" she tried to explain. "Hell we still are having a hard time dealing with it. We are only now starting to slowly work on getting our marriage back on track" she stopped again.

Molly reached out and pulled Addie into her arms and hugged the other woman tightly then patted her on the back. Both women had tears streaming down their face. They stayed like this for quite sometime crying. Molly knew she could have so easily been in Addie's situation and she could have lost everything as well. She realized her family was extremely lucky and had it not been for the Shepherds, her family could have easily been in the same position as Derek and Addie.

Meredith started to enter Mrs. Storm room, but stopped when she saw Addison and Mrs. Storm sitting on the bed and hugging, both women with tears running down their facing. Meredith back out of the room and leaned against the wall next to the door. She didn't need to walk into that scene. She could definitely wait for Addison to leave before checking on the Storm boy's vitals.

Addie and Molly finally separated. Addie got up and grabbed the box of tissues and held it out for Molly. She grabbed a handful of tissues and dried her eyes and blew her nose. Addie grabbed some tissues too and did the same.

Addie squeezed Molly's hand and gave a half smile "thanks for listening to me this whole day has been pretty hard on both Derek and me. We both knew we had to keep focused and make sure both Jeremy and the baby made it through this. We just. . ."

Molly interrupted her nodding "I understand and my husband and I will be forever grateful to you and your husband for saving our family. I don't know if there is anyway we could ever repay the both of you."

Addie stopped her "there is no need for repayment Molly" she got up again and poured a glass of water for Molly then handed it to her.

Addison's pager started to go off; she looked down and saw she was needed in NICU. "Well time to get back to work, try to get some sleep" she bent down and gave Molly a hug. "I'll come by later and check on you." Sheturned and walked out the door, she didn't notice Meredith still standing against the wall.

After watching Addison walk down the hall Meredith walked into the Storm room. She smiled at the sleeping boy and then looked over to his mother; she was looking intently at a photograph, but put it away when she noticed Meredith watching her. Meredith smiled at the mother and said "I'm just checking up on Jeremy making sure he's doing ok."

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It was after midnight when Derek and Addie finally left the hospital, they knew that both patients were out of the woods, they held hands as they walked to their car.

It was a silent ride home to the trailer, both deep in thought on how their day had transpired. Occasionally they would look at each other but they still remained silent holding hands as they drove.

They quietly walked up to the trailer and let Doc out of his dog run andhe bounded for them. Derek scratched the dog behind the ears "I better take him out for a walk; he's been cooped up all day."

He leaned over and caressed Addie's cheek, then place a kiss on her forehead "I won't be long babe; we will talk when I get back."

Once he left with Doc trailing after him, Addie unlocked the trailer door entered. She walked over to the refrigerator pulled out a bottle of water; she sat down at the kitchen table and started to go over the day's events.

She never wanted to have to relive that day again, but she had no choice the Storm family situation just hit too close to home and brought it all flooding back. Derek amd she never fully dealt with what happened. It drove Derek to work longer and longer hours, leaving Addie home night after night alone.

The reason it was so easy to turn to Mark for comfort, was because he was as devastated by what happed as they were, after all Mark was Aidan's godfatherand would have been Danica's as well. Mark was willing to talk with her about what happened to her children and comfort her when she was ready to break and didn't think she could go on.

She knew that's why, when Derek found her in bed with Mark, the reason he just left and didn't put up a fight, was because it made it easier for him to forget. Being there with her was just too painful; it was just a constant reminder of what they had lost. He was still in heavy denial and couldn't even bring himself to mention either child's name.

Addie dropped her head in her hands and started to massage her temples, she was drained by the day's events. She needed hot shower and Derek to be home and just curl up in bed and try her best to get the day's events out of her head.

She walked across the trailer to the bathroom and started the shower. She quickly undressed while waiting for the water to adjust to the temperature she wanted. She stepped under the hot running water and leaned up against the shower wall as the water rushed down her back, that's when the tears started to fall.

She rested her head against the shower wall and continued to sob. She felt a caress on her shoulder, then she was gently turned around, she looked up into Derek's eye and he pulled her close to him. He held her tightly to his chest and allowed her to cry a little longer. Then he pushed her away from him just enough so he could look at her. Their eyes still lock and emotions playing across there faces. He bent down and lightly kissed her on the lips the light kisses continued then eventually deepened.

The water was still running down them but was starting to cool off. He reached for the faucet and turned the water off then took her by the hand and guided her out of the shower; he wrapped a towel around her and pulled her to the bed. Their need to be close tonight was going to outweigh the need to talk about the days events.

They both would admit to each other that their physical relationship had yet to return to what it was before their loss. Tonight was the first step in healing; tonight was the first time in almost two years that had come together with the passion they had felt before their lives were devastatingly changed.

Derek and Addie lay sleeping wrapped in each other's arms, trying to stay as close to one and other as they possibly could. This was the first night in a very long time they sleep in each other's arms.

They would have to eventually talk about the day's events, but it probably wasn't going to happen until after Molly and Jeremy were released from the hospital and they had a chance to distance themselves from the intensity of what had transpired.

Doc sat next to the bed, he was resting his head on the edge, seeming to contemplate the people who took care of him.

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	4. Chapter 4

The Reason Why – Part IV

Meredith and Izzie were on a forty-eight hour shift. That was the worst part of being an intern, the extended days and with little rest. They tried to get some sleep but the days events were still making their mind race.

Meredith and Izzie stood outside the door to Molly and Jeremy Storm's room. They just wanted to look in on the little boy and his mother one more time.

Meredith had no clue why the boy had affected Derek the way he had. She just really wanted to look in on him one more time and make sure he was still fine. Of course she knew deep down she was worrying for no reason, she knew the surgery was a success and the boy would be back to being a normal everyday boy soon.

They entered the room Meredith walked over to Jeremy's bed and looked down at the boy. She smiled down at him then reached down and gently stroked his cheek. "Nice job hanging in there little man," she whispered she looked over at Izzie who was checking on the boy's mother.

Izzie double checked the IV, she glanced down and noticed the photograph, it must be a family photograph. Izzie could hardly to see it in the darkness of the room, but it appeared to be Molly, Jeremy and Robert it must have been taken pretty recently.

Meredith walked over to Izzie to see what she was looking at, she couldn't see the photo very well either and reached in her lab coat pocket and pulled out her mini light turned on and pointed it at the photo.

Neither one was prepared for what they saw. Staring back up at them was the smiling faces of Derek and Addison Shepherd along with a young boy who couldn't have been much older the seven.

Izzie started to say something but Meredith quickly silenced her. They didn't want to risk waking Molly or Jeremy up.

They both studied the photograph Izzie was holding. It was a perfect family snapshot all three looked so happy. First Derek the big grin on his face, Meredith had never seen him looking so happy. Then the boy in the picture he had dark curly hair just like Derek's. He was dressed in a little league uniform and had a huge smile on his face, showing he had recently lost his front teeth. Then their gaze drifted to Addison's glowing face smiling back at them, Derek's arm was around her. Then they noticed it, Addison had a reason to be glowing, she had to be five or six month pregnant.

"Oh god," Izzie whispered.

"Oh god is right," Meredith whispered back.

Izzie put the photograph back where she found it.

Meredith reached over and picked up the photo, looked down at it one more time then put it in her lab coat pocket. She turned off the mini light and they both exited the room.

"You really think you should have taken the photo?" Izzie whispered.

Meredith nodded. "Do you really think Derek and Addison really want it laying around for anyone find?" she whispered back.

"Yeah you're right," Izzie said. "I'm sure it will be a real comfort to Addison that you found," Izzie smirked at Meredith.

Meredith gave Izzie shove. "Shut up biotch," she grinned at her friend.

"I'm not a biotch," she protested

"Sure you're not," Meredith smiled back.

Izzie put her arm around Meredith's shoulder and they walked back to the on call room. As they headed back to the room, both were struggling with what they just found out. Izzie knew this was a pretty big shock for herself, she couldn't even imagine how this had to be affecting Meredith. She was positive by her reaction, she had no clue the Shepherds had children at one point.

They both plopped down on a bed after entering the on call room, neither one saying a word. They lay there in just sort of stunned silence.

Finally Izzie broke the silence and quietly asked Meredith, "What do you think happened to them? I mean don't you think if they had kids they would be here or at least talk about them?"

Meredith pursed her lips and thought for a moment. "Considering how the Storm case seemed to affect both Derek and Addison, I'm guessing they were in a similar situation only with out the happy ending."

Izzie gnawed on her bottom lip. "Did you have any clue the Shepherds had kids?"

Meredith shook her head indicating no he never told her.

"Seriously?" Izzie questioned.

"Seriously," said shot back.

"I can't believe you dated the guy for what three months and he never told he had kids," Izzie retorted.

"Yeah like who'd believe a guy who would omit telling me he had a wife would also forget to mention he had kids," Meredith rolled her eyes.

Izzie stared at Meredith with her mouth hanging open.

"Can my life suck any more?" Meredith just shook her and she let out a soft groan as she dropped her head on the pillow and curled up in a ball. Meredith had a cold feeling down to the pit of her stomach. Now she knew, she never really had a chance. She finally knew the reason why Derek picked his wife and not her.

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Addison exited the elevator and headed for the nurse's how horrible yesterday had been, the end of the day turned out pretty wonderful. A half smirk played on her face as she thought about what had transpired last night after Derek had taken Doc for his run.

"Good morning Dr. Shepherd you look like you had a good night," Debbie, the nurse behind the desk said.

"Yeah it wasn't too bad," Addie grinned back. She set her latte on the counter and asked, "Could I have the Stanton Chart?"

"Sure," Debbie said she looked at the charts in front of her and grab the chart in question and passed it up to Addie.

"Thanks Debbie," she said as set the chart on the counter started looking through the it.

"Addie?" She looked up at Debbie to see what the nurse wanted. "Care for a chocolate muffin? Mrs. Parks brought them in as a thank you for treating her daughter and new granddaughter so well," she informed her with a wide smile.

Addie smiled at the nurse and reached for the said muffin, "Thanks Debbie I'd love one."

With muffin in hand she bent over the chart one more time. She was startled when someone grabbed her from behind that someone being her husband he kissed her on her cheek and said, "Hey you're holding out on me, where's my muffin!"

"I'm not holding out on you, Debbie gave me the muffin," she nodded to the nurse behind the desk. "So you're sucking up to the wrong girl if you want a muffin," she smirked at her husband.

Derek smiled sweetly at the nurse sitting behind the desk. "Do you have any more muffins?"

"Oh sorry Dr. Shepherd, I gave Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd the last one," she gave him a disappointed look as she was telling him the muffins were all gone.When his attention turned away from her, Debbie smirked got up and walked to the other side of the desk.

The elevator door opened and the Interns all exited the elevator.

"No ... no I don't," George stammered.

"Yes you do," Izzie smirked.

"I do not!" George said more firmly.

Izzie nodded at George. "Uh huh," she giggled.

This could go on for hours but Cristina put a stop to it. "What are you guys like two? George, yes …" Cristina retort was cut off by loud laughter coming from the nurse's station.

The interns bantering immediately stopped as all their attention was drawn to what was happening at the nurse's station down the hall from them.

"I said No, it's mine and you can't have it," Addie shrieked with laughter. Derek had her pinned against the desk.She had one arm up in the air holding the chocolate muffin out of his reach. "Maybe if you were a little nicer to the nurses they would have saved one for you," she smirked at him.

Derek snaked his arms around his wife and nuzzled her neck and whispered in her ear, "You know you want to give me your muffin." He nipped her earlobe, she relaxed and let her arm drop and Derek snatched the muffin from her hand. He grinned at her claiming victory.

Addie gave Derek a soft shove. "Hey you play dirty," giving him a wounded look only to breakout in a fit of laughter.

Derek reached out and grabbed Addie by the front of her scrubs and snuggled back up to her. "Yeah but you like me anyways."

She gave him her trademark smirk and reached up to caress his cheek then moved in and gave him a kiss. Not just a soft gentle yeah I like you kiss, but a deep kiss filled with passion. She reached up with one hand and stroked the dark curls on his head while the other hand reached out and snatched the muffin back out of his hand and gave him another playful shove. "Yeah I like you but you still can't have my muffin," she grinned back.

Just then the sound of a pager going off caught their attention. They both looked down to see whose page was calling them. "It's me," Derek announced as bent to give his wife a quick kiss on her cheek and snatched the muffin back then headed for the elevator.

"Hey!" Addie exclaimed stunned.

Derek strolled passed the open mouthed interns as he walked to the elevator, he knew Addie was watching him; she's definitely staring at my ass he grinned to himself.

Addie watched her retreating husband, he might be a muffin stealing bastard, but he sure had a nice ass. She leaned against the counter enjoying the view and watched him enter the elevator. He turned and leaned against the back of the elevator shot a silly grin at her then proceeded to eat her muffin.

Derek shouted to his wife, "Thanks for the muffin Babe." He grinned again.

Addison returned the silly grin and shook her head then laughed the doors to the elevator closed before she could make a retort. She reached over and grabbed her latte thinking about how great the day had started out.

"Addie?" She turned at the mention of her name. Debbie was standing in front of her smiling at her and presented her with another chocolate muffin.

She accepted the proffered muffin and said, "Hey I thought that was the last one."

"What can I say I guess I was wrong," she grinned back at Addie.

Addie gathered up her things raised the muffin to Debbie and said, "Thanks again Debbie." She turned and headed to the elevator and nodded. "Good Morning," to the open mouthed interns as she passed them.

Dr. Bailey exited the elevator as Addison entered; they exchanged good mornings as they passed.

"This is not a coffee clutch," Dr. Bailey interrupted the interns' rather loud discussion about something having to do with the Shepherds and what they had just witnessed. Bailey was glad to see the Shepherds actions were causing a stir with the interns that were laugh worthy instead of the usual cringe worthy, but she sure wasn't going to let them know. She had been concerned about them. She had heard about the Storm family and was worried that it might bring up bad memories and make problems for the reconciliation. "I don't care one bit if the Dr. Shepherd jumps his wife on the nurse's station desk. You are here to work not gossip." Miranda was definitely going to have to find Addie later and find out what was going on.

"Grey you are with Shepherd," a smile played on her face.But before she could get too happy Bailey added, "Montgomery-Shepherd that is." Meredith pursed her lips but didn't say a word.

"O'Malley you are with Burke today." Miranda raised her hand to the protesting Yang, "Not one word Yang or I'll stick you in the pit instead of with Dr. Shepherd, the neuro variety Shepherd."

Cristina's face broke out into a huge smile and gave an arm pump. "Yes," she already saw the board that morning and Dr. Shepherd had two surgeries scheduled that day, both would be first time procedures for her. Bailey raised an eyebrow at Cristina as if to say better watch it or to the pit, Cristina quickly erased the smile.

"Stevens you are with Torres," Izzie wrinkled up her face and George slugged her arm.

Bailey gave them both the look and they immediate straightened.

"Karev," Bailey gave him a smile, but it wasn't a happy to see you smile, it was more your ass is mine smile and I am thoroughly going to enjoy making your squirm all day smile. "You are with me today.You have patients in exam rooms two, three and five. The patient in two needs a rectal, the one in room three needs an enema and the one in room five needs a boil lanced."

Alex let out a groan. "I don't. . .," he began to protest.

Bailey stepped up in his face with hands firmly on her hips. "Not one word Karev this is what you get when you go around pissing off one attending after another. Maybe next time you will think twice before opening that big trap of yours."

Bailey took a step back and looked around, "Okay you got your assignment what are you doing still standing around, move it" she yelled.

Miranda walked up to the nurse's station took her chocolate muffin turn and headed back to the elevator with a swagger in her step.

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Miranda Bailey was sitting across the table from Addison Montgomery-Shepherd. It took Miranda a while to track Addie down, now she had a chance to see how yesterday's event had affected her friend. What a lousy day for her son to have his peds check up.

It didn't take too long after she signed on to Seattle Grace for Addie and Miranda to become close friends and with that friendship they shared many intimate details of their lives. It was after her son's birth that Addie had shared with her the details of her family tragedy involving her children and the fact that Derek still refused to talk about it, especially with her. She made her swear to not let Derek know that she knew about Aidan and Danica. She had said it would only upset him. She knew it helped Addie to be able to talk about her children. Miranda was an outlet for Addie a much needed one since her husband refused to discuss the matter. Both knew the only way for Addie and Derek to truly move on and get on with their lives together was for them to get this subject into the open.

Miranda gave Addie's arm a gentle squeeze she knew things would be coming to a head with her friends in the near future. This incident with the Storm family was going to force them to. How ironic the families name was Storm Miranda mused.

"I'm sorry I wasn't here for you yesterday," she gave Addie a sympathetic smile.

"Hey," she smiled back. "Don't worry about it your son comes first, besides I got through it. It was hard at first, real hard. I honestly don't have a clue how I managed to keep it together, but I did." Addie chewed on her bottom lip.

"So how did Derek handle it?" Miranda inquired with a stern look on her face.

Addie smiled again. "Brilliantly really he was amazing, the surgery, the way he kept it together and pulled Jeremy through and the way he was with me afterwards, he was really there for me. The support he gave me, it really surprised me Miranda and last night after we got home. . .," that Addie smirk was back on her face as she remembered the night before.

Miranda sat back in her seat with her eyebrows raise. "Oh are you telling me you got lucky last night and not that boring sex lucky but. . .," Miranda wiggled her eyebrows.

Addie interrupted her friend with laughed. "Yeah I got lucky, real lucky," she wiggled too.

"Well I'm glad you are making steps in the right direction. I like seeing that smile on your face, ever better I like seeing that smirk on your face." They both laughed.

Meredith knocked on the door to the attending lounge then pushed the door open both Dr. Bailey and Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd looked up at her as she entered.

"Excuse me Dr. Bailey, Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd." Meredith weakly smiled at the two women before her.

"Addison," she looked at the intern reproachfully. "Meredith I told you to call me Addison, friends remember we are supposed to be friends," she gave the intern a crooked smile and raised an eyebrow.

"Right you're right we are friends," she nodded and gave Addison another weak smile. "I finished rounds and. . ."

Miranda held her hand up stopping Meredith. "Looks like it's time to go back to work, Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd we shall continue this discussion later." With that she excused herself from her friend and intern. Behind Meredith's back Miranda held her hand to head giving Addie the universal symbol for call me, gave her friend a big smile and headed out the door.

"Okay Meredith you may continue," Addison prompted. She sat back and listened to Meredith give her the run down all on her patients. She was very through and she even managed to pick up on some things Addie wasn't excepting her to, she was impressed.

"And lastly I check on Mrs. Storm and all her vitals are completely normal. She told me she had a great night sleep. She's more then ready to be released but there is no way she will want to leave her son. So I made arrangements for her to stay in Jeremy's room, even though she will no longer need to be a patient." Meredith bit her lower lip hoping she was thorough enough for Addison. She always worried when she was Addison's intern. She knew the fear was probably irrational but she always thought Addison would scrutinize her extra hard because of both their relationships with Derek.

"Excellent run down Meredith you seemed to have taken care of everyone needs quite well. I agree with you on Mrs. Stanton, I was going set up her c-section for tomorrow morning. Make sure it gets put on the board. And thank you for taking care of Mrs. Storm I was going to make sure they allowed her to stay." She smiled at Meredith and nodded. "Once again excellent work. Everything seems to be pretty quiet right now, so why don't you go get some lunch and some rest. If I remember correctly you were on call all night right?"

Meredith nodded.

"Okay then if there isn't anything else you needed to discuss I'll see you back up here say two o'clock?" she asked with raised eyebrows.

"Dr." Addison raised her eyebrows at her. "I mean Addison do you have a minute?" she asked nervously.

She gave her a sideways glance; Meredith definitely had something on her mind and was struggling with whether to say something or not. She saw her take a deep breath and let it out slowly.

Meredith was struggling she knew she had to say something. Okay it's now or never she took a deep breath and exhaled, okay here we go, it's now or never, she repeated to herself.

"I know," Meredith blurted out.

"You know?" Addie was puzzled by that remark. Her eyebrows rose as if to say huh, what the hell are you talking about.

"I know … I know the reason why," she continued she had a habit rambling when she was nervous. Addie continued to look at her and tried to figure out what the hell she was talking about. She wished she would spit it out and get to her point already.

"Meredith please sit down relax I'm not gonna bite your head off," she quipped and gave her a half smile.

Meredith wasn't too sure about the _not gonna bite your head off _part, but she walked to the table and sat down. She let out another slow breath.

Meredith gave her a weak smile and continued, "I now understand why he picked you." Addie froze she dare not move. "Why he picked you and not me." Meredith bit her bottom lip and looked at her, "I know and just wanted to let you know that I know and I know he made the right choice" she reached into her pocket and pulled out the photograph and slide it across the table.

Addison had watched her struggle with what she was trying to tell her. It still amazed her that Derek could fall for someone so opposite to herself. But she guessed since he was trying desperately to get as far away from her as he possibly could it really shouldn't surprise her at all.

Addie picked up the photo and exhaled, she hadn't realized she was holding her breath. She stared at the photograph then looked up at Meredith their eyes met, she knew and she really did understand.

"Where did you get this?" she said barely above a whisper her gaze returned to the photo and she tried to rein in her emotions. The last thing she wanted to do was cry in front of Meredith Grey.

"Last night Izzie and I were checking on Mrs. Storm and Jeremy, we found the photo on her dinner try." She noticed Addison eyes shoot up when she mentioned Izzie was with her, then her eyes were drawn back to the photo she was holding. It was hard to gauge her reaction Meredith could tell she was trying hard to keep her true emotions off her face. "I didn't think you wanted it left out for everyone in the hospital to see so I took it, so I could return it to you." She gave her a weak smile.

Addie tore her eyes away from the photograph. "Thank you Meredith. You're right and I appreciate your discretion in this matter." Her voice cracked as she tried to rein in her emotions, she took a moment longer to compose herself, "I . . ."

"Look I don't plan on saying anything. I'm not going to pry and try to find out why you and Derek never talk about your son. I know I am the last person you would want to talk about it with anyways, but Izzie knows too so, you know if you need someone else to talk to" she hesitated "well that's all I have to say. Just that I know and I understand now." With that she rose from the table and left the room.

Addison sat back in her chair, she was stunned and Meredith knew and understood. She looked down at the photo again and a tear escaped and rolled down her cheek.

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Izzie had seen Meredith enter the attending break room. She knew from Dr. Bailey that Addison was in there with her. She also knew Meredith was going to return the photo. They debated for a longtime as to which one of them should return the photo and finally decided Meredith should be the one.

She waited for Meredith. Finally she emerged from the room. She saw Izzie and walked up to her. Izzie was looking at Meredith eyebrows raised high, "Well how did it go?"

"Okay I guess. I gave her the photo back and I told her I knew and understood. I also told her you knew too, just incase she wanted to talk to someone about it. You know since I'm sure I'm the last person in the world she would want to speak to about this."

"Did she seem upset?" Izzie wanted to know.

"Oh I'm sure she was but she tried really hard not to show me how upset she was," Meredith tilted her head and bit her lower lip.

"Do you think I should go in there and talk to her?" she bit her lower lip too and looked at Meredith pleading with her to tell her what she should do.

"Well she's in there alone, now might be a good time to you know, go and get it over with. Since she's probably going to want to speak with you and make sure you don't go spreading any rumors around." Meredith shrank back as Izzie tried to hit her. "Well you know as well as I do, we have pretty big mouths and don't always know when to keep them shut."

"Okay I'm going in wish me luck," she let out a long breath and steadied herself then knocked on the door to the attending break room.

Addison's head shot up at the sound of a knock on the door, she quickly wiped the tear from her cheek and waited for the person to enter. I was Izzie Stevens.

Izzie timidly walked over to the table and sat down next to Addison. "Hi," she smiled weakly. "I know you know I know. God now I'm starting to sound like Meredith," she looked up at Addison and they both burst out laughing.

Whew that part went well, she thought to herself, at least she got her to laugh. "Okay I know you must feel a little weird having me know something so intimate about you. Something you and Dr. Shepherd obviously didn't want any of us to know." Izzie chewed her bottom lip and thought for a minute.

"So," she continued. "I think it's only fair that I tell you something personal about myself. Something I haven't shared with anyone here, very few people know this about me," she paused a moment trying to get her thoughts in order.

Addie reached over and put her hand on the intern's arm and gave her a reassuring squeeze. "Izzie there is no need for you to tell me anything that personal about yourself."

Izzie raised her hand and stopped Addison. "No I want to tell you, I want you to know, because I think it will help you understand me better." She smiled at her superior and began again, "I got pregnant when I was sixteen, here I was sixteen still in school, not a dime to my name and I got pregnant. The father turned out to be a total jerk, so he was definitely out of the picture. I decided to have the baby."She reached in her pocket and pulled out a photo and slid it over to her. Addie looked at the photo and smiled at the picture of the young girl.

"Her name is Hannah she just turned ten. I knew I wasn't mature enough to be a mom and no way could I give her what she needed, so I gave her up for adoption. I still miss her but I don't regret giving her up, because I know she is with a loving family and I know she is happy."

"I also know if I had kept her, I would have dropped out of school and I'd still be living in the trailer park. I would most likely resent her for ruining my life and I never wanted to have my daughter feel like she wasn't wanted or that I never wished she was born. I know from first hand experience what that feels like and I never wanted my daughter to feel that way." They exchanged looks and smiled at each other.

"Izzie I want to thank you for telling me about Hannah," she gave her a half smile.

Izzie squeezed her hand. "I just wanted to know that I understand loss too. I know it's not anywhere near the loss you suffered but I do understand. A day does not go by that I don't think about Hannah and how I wish I could have been a part of her life. But I know she is happy and she has two parents who love her and I have to be satisfied with that."

"So," Addie started. "I'm guessing you probably are wondering exactly what happened and why Derek and I never talk about our kids," she said softly.

Izzie interrupted her, "No, no you don't have to tell me, I didn't share my story to make you feel obliged to tell me more. I'm pretty sure I have the basics on what happened and considering I haven't told anyone including my best friends about Hannah, I have no right to ask you why you don't talk about your children either." She gave her a sympathetic smile.

Addie nodded at the younger woman. "Its okay Izzie honestly, I don't mind talking about my kids. Well I don't mind talking about Aidan. He was a wonderful boy, it's harder talking about Danica, since we didn't really have time with her," she said with a sad smile.

She tilted her head in thought and pursed her lips, "Well after yesterday I'm pretty sure you probably have a good idea what happened."

Izzie nodded, "Meredith and I figured Aidan, that was your son's name right?" Addison nodded. "We figured he must have been hit with a baseball too, like Jeremy," she said tentatively.

Addie injected, "Exactly like Jeremy, our situations were so similar, it's frightening, everything was exactly the same, except for the out come. I still don't know how Derek managed to hold it together. He is the one who has the problem discussing our children, he won't even talk to me about them." She shrugged. "That's pretty much where our problems started, the fact that Derek refuses to acknowledge their existence. He wants to forgot, he said it's too painful to think about Aidan and what he meant to us." Izzie listened quietly to what Addison was saying.

"Sometimes."She sighed and continued, "I think Derek prefers to think of Danica as a miscarriage not as a person. I could never do that, she may have only survived for four hours but that was still four hours of my life I will never forget. The funny thing is that's four hours that Derek desperately wants to forgot."

"Derek wasn't there with you, with you and Danica?" Izzie stared at Addie wide eyed.

"No, no Izzie, Derek was there, he was there for every second, you misunderstood me. He was so supportive, he was wonderful during the entire experience but after, after their funeral. That's when he fell apart. We both fell apart and instead of seeking comfort in each other, Derek chose to bury himself in work, hell I buried myself in work too. No one blamed us, we were both in pain. The difference was, Derek wanted to forget they ever existed. It hurt him too much to think of what we lost and I wanted to talk about them, and remember what we lost. In the beginning we buried ourselves in work together. Sure we worked all the time, but we were still inseparable, but Derek couldn't stand that I would bring up something about Aidan and he started to pull away." She paused to take a drink; she was surprised at how easy it was to tell Izzie about her past.

"So here I was desperate to keep my son's memory alive and my husband was desperate to bury it. He continued to work long hours, he would sleep in the hospital on call room or if he did come home it would be late. He'd try to time it so he didn't arrive home until I was a sleep then he would sleep in the guest room. He pushed me farther and farther away and there was nothing I could do to bring him back to me. I tried to get him to go to therapy with me but he refused. He just wasn't ready to accept what happened. The whole time this was going on, there was Mark." A sad look crossed her face.

"Mark was my rock during this time, he was both Derek and my best friend and he loved Aidan just as much as Derek and I did. He was Aidan's godfather and he would have been Danica's too," she stopped this was the hard part to talk about.

"I never wanted to turn to Mark, but I was devastated. I was barely hanging on, I lost both my kids and my husband was nonexistent. Mark was there, he was willing to talk to me about Aidan and even Danica. Mark was the only other person besides Derek, medical staff and me that was able to spend anytime with Danica." She sighed and continued, "He was there and Derek wasn't. He was a band aid but you don't use a band aid close the wound of a ripped out heart." She smiled weakly.

"When Derek found us he didn't say a word. Hell he didn't even show any emotion, he simply turned around walked out the door and didn't stop walking until he made it to Seattle." She put her head back. "God I thought there was nothing in that world that could hurt me more then the loss of my children and Derek's emotional abandonment, but when he walked out that door without a word. I thought I would curl up and die right then. Hell I hoped for it, it seemed like my best option."

Addison smiled at Izzie's wide eyed shocked expression, she squeezed her hand and continued, "No, I wasn't going to commit suicide but it took two weeks for Mark to get me put back together so I could function at some level of normalcy. It pretty much took the entire three months after Derek leaving for me to get back to normal self. Mark was there every step of the way and I know I was wrong to lean on him like that but at the time I didn't know any other way to fix myself. I was broken and he fixed me. I'll always love him for that but I was never in love with him. He deserves much better then me. He deserves someone who is absolutely head over heels in love with him and that simply is not me. Because for better or worse I'm still head over heels completely madly in love with my husband, and no matter how crappy he treats me, I have to stay and try to work things out and get back to what we had before."

Izzie smiled at Addie. "Well you both looked pretty happy this morning so maybe."

She had melancholy smile on her face. "I think have turned a corner, but it's just the first step to rebuilding our relationship and we still have a long way to go. We will just be treading water until I can figure out a way to get Derek to talk to me about Aidan and Danica and deal with our emotions once and for all."

"Well just so you know we are here for you and on your side, and if there is anything you need just let us know," she smiled at her.

"Thanks for sitting and listening to me. It really helped me and I think I have an idea on how I might be able to get through to Derek." She leaned over and gave Izzie a hug then she stood up and left the room.

Izzie reached over and picked up the photo of Hannah and looked at her daughter's picture for a minute before replacing it in her lab coat pocket.

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Meredith was looking through the Daniels chart when she noticed Addison leaving the attending break room; she and Izzie were in there for a long time. Izzie must have gotten Addison to talk to her.

Addie approached Meredith. "Meredith I was wondering if you might have time for a chat?"

"Um, sure Addison what do you need?" Oh boy, what on earth is she going to ask me she thought.

Just then Addison's pager went off, she looked down and saw nine-one-one she was needed in the ER. "Come on Grey we are needed in the ER."They both headed for the elevator.

Once the doors closed Addison stared straight ahead and quietly said, "I want you to talk to Derek."

"You what?" Meredith was shocked.

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	5. Chapter 5

The Reason Why – Part V

Once the doors closed Addison stared straight ahead quietly said, "I want you to talk to Derek."

"You what?" Meredith said in shocked.

"I want you to talk to Derek about Aidan and Danica, I. . .," she stopped and turned her back on Meredith then turned back.

"Seriously? Seriously." Meredith tilted her head and stared at her. Her mind was racing she couldn't believe what she was hearing. "Why do you want me to talk to him, why don't you talk to him?" This was freaking Meredith out and wanted to know what kind of drugs the woman was on.

"You don't think I've tried?" she dropped her head into her hand and rubbed her temple, her other hand was tightly wrapped around her stomach. "I tried believe me I have he just refuses talk, especially to me. He holds it all in I was hoping that maybe if you talked to him maybe." Addison let out a strangled cry. "I just figured he might have an easier time talk to someone he cares about, who wasn't part of our lives then, who he doesn't blame," she trailed off.

Addison straighten up looked straight ahead at the elevator doors and regained her composure. "Just forget I said anything, I'm sorry I had no right to ask that of you."With that the elevator doors opened to the ER. Meredith stood stunned watching Addison leave the elevator.She turned back and said, "Are you coming?"

Meredith stepped out of the elevator and followed Addison. Debbie saw Addison and Meredith approach and handed Addison a chart. "She is in curtain two and her husband in on the way."

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Derek stood at the door to Jeremy Storm's room, he watched Mrs. Storm snuggled up in her son's bed, and she was reading him a Harry Potter book.

Molly looked up and noticed the doctor standing there. "Good afternoon Dr. Shepherd," she said with a smile.

Jeremy looked up and enthusiastically said, "Hi Dr. D, who do you like better Harry Potter or Ron Weasley?

Derek stepped into the room and smiled, "Harry Potter of course."

"Me too," the boy grinned back.

Molly got up from the bed as Derek walked up. "So you look like you are feeling much better Jeremy," he said as he checked the boy over.

Behind Derek, Addie had just walked up to door and stood watching on.

"Yeah I'm feeling a lot better." The boy rubbed his head. "Mom says I'm gonna have a scar on my head, isn't that cool?" the boy grinned.

"Mind if I have a look?" he grinned at the boy.

The Jeremy's eyes widened. "You mean you're gonna take the band aids off?"

He nodded.

"Really? Can I look too?" he asked excitedly.

"Absolutely I insist," he laughed. Derek removed the dressing and inspected the incision, everything looked perfect. He reached inside the end table and pulled out a mirror. "Okay have a look, but I gotta warn you its pretty gross looking," he looked at the boy with amusement.

Jeremy grabbed the mirror and looked, his eyes widened as he inspected what he saw. "Wow that is so cool wait til I show the guys at school! Michael Carson has a scar on his forehead from when his little sister hit him with her Barbie doll but mine is way cooler then his!" Jeremy shouted excitedly.

Derek redressed his head and asked, "Okay _Finding Nemo or Beauty and the Beast_?"

"_Finding Nemo_! _Beauty and Beast_ is for girls," Jeremy had a disgusted look on his face.

Jeremy asked next, "Girls yucky or not yucky?

Addie smiled as she watched her husband interacted with the boy. She was surprised that it still came so easily for him; maybe he is getting closer to be able to talk things out. A burst of laugher brought her attention back to the scene in front of her.

"You mean you don't think girls are yucky?" Jeremy grimaced.

"Oh yeah I guess I should change my answer you're right girls are yucky," Derek said to Jeremy seriously but then laughed.

Addie smiled at her husband and entered the room. "Girls are yucky huh?" She continued on and stood next to Molly and put her arm around her.

Addie looked across Jeremy's bed to her husband. He nodded to her. "Oh yes girls are definitely yucky," he grinned back.

Addie and Molly exchanged looks and laughed.

She smirked at her husband and said, "Oh since you consider me yucky I guess I changed my mind and I won't invite you to join me for lunch. I was even was even thinking we should have dessert." Addison smiled wickedly at Derek.

Derek and Jeremy said in unison, "Dessert!"

"Sorry Jeremy I'm gonna have to change my mind back, girls definitely are not yucky." Derek returned Addie's wicked smile; he had a pretty good idea what kind of dessert his wife had in mind.

Derek turned his attention to Mrs. Storm and said, "Everything looks great, I see no reason we can't release Jeremy tomorrow."

"That's great news!" Molly happily said.

"What's great news?" Robert Storm asked as he entered the room.

"Dr. Shepherd said Jeremy should be able to go home tomorrow," she said happily.

Robert was by his wife's side in a flash and gave her a hug. "That is great news!"

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Izzie walked into the on call room and saw Meredith laying on one of the beds; Izzie plopped down on the other. She looked over at Meredith and noticed she was struggling with something.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Wrong? What makes you think something is wrong, nothing is wrong," Meredith rambled on.

Izzie raised an eyebrow; yep something was definitely wrong. "Oh something is definitely wrong. So spill it, don't be giving me that, oh nothing is wrong BS."

"Oh God," Meredith pressed the heels of her hands to her eyes. "Have I mentioned lately that my life sucked?" she moaned.

"Constantly," Izzie grinned over.

Meredith threw a pillow at Izzie, "Hey!"

"Addison asked me to talk to Derek," Meredith groaned.

Izzie's bolted in the up right position, "Seriously?"

"Seriously," Meredith stated.

"Seriously," Izzie blew out a long breath.

"Addison wants me to talk to Derek; she wants _me _to talk to Derek." Meredith groaned again. "I can't believe this is happening, my ex boyfriend's wife wants me to talk to my ex boyfriend about his kids, the kids that he neglected to tell me ever existed. Like I said, my life totally sucks," she groaned for the third time.

Izzie nodded and gave her a half smile and said, "Yeah it does."

Meredith groaned for a forth time and covered her face with a pillow; she let out a frustrating scream.

Izzie studied her for sometime then said, "So are ya gonna do it?

Meredith shot up to the sitting position and looked at her wide eyed, "Are you serious?"

Izzie thought for a moment and very slightly nodded to her, "Yeah I am."

"Seriously?" Meredith raised an eyebrow at her.

Izzie nodded.

"Really you honestly think it's a good idea?" she said with surprise.

Izzie slowly nodded again, "Yeah I really do."

Meredith fell back on the bed and covered her face with the pillow again. "Yeah my life seriously sucks."

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"Girls are definitely not yucky," Derek said to Addie as they snuggled up in a bed in one of the on call rooms.They were sharing a cup of chocolate pudding and discussing how their day had gone. He took the empty cup from Addie's hand and tossed it in the trash can. He wrapped her tighter in his arms gave her a little kiss on mouth and asked, "So ready for second helping of dessert?" He wiggled his eyebrows.

"I'd love a second helping," she grinned back. "But I'm due in surgery in 15 minutes," she gave him a lingering kiss.

"If you expect to be out of here in time for your surgery, you shouldn't be kissing me like that," he smiled at her.

She laughed at him and got up from the bed and started to get dressed.

Derek watched his wife with pleasure, he almost enjoyed watching her get dress as much as he enjoyed watching her get undressed, he grinned to himself, right like that was true.

After Addie finished dressing, she sat back down next to her husband, she smiled down at him leaned in to give him another kiss. He wrapped his arms around her holding her tight and placed a kiss on her temple and whispered in her ear, "We are in a good place right now aren't we Addie?"

She pushed herself up so she could look into his eyes and gave him a sweet smile. "Yeah we are in a real good place right now." She gave him a kiss on the cheek and got up to leave.

"So dinner at eight?" he asked as she was getting ready to leave.

"Sounds like a plan," she smiled.

"And by the way I definitely plan on having dessert," he gave her a wicked grin.

Addie smirked back, "Absolutely."

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Joe's bar was Seattle Grace staff's favorite hang out; it was right across the street from the hospital, which made it very convenient for members of the staff to meet up after a long day at the hospital.

"So Alex tell us about your day," Izzie teased, they all knew he was doing scut work all day long.

"Shut up Stevens," Alex snapped.

"So Alex just how long do you think it will take for Addison to break you?" Meredith quipped.

"Satan isn't going to break me," Alex snarled.

"Don't call her that," Meredith retorted.

Alex and Cristina raised their eyebrows at Meredith.

"Stop looking at me like that," she whined.

"You are defending The She-Shepherd?" Cristina said with surprise, "This is a joke right?"

"No, this is not a joke and Addison and I are friends now, I like her. So, don't call her that anymore because she is my friend," Meredith defended herself.

"Right, you like Addison Shepherd, the woman who stole your boyfriend," she said sarcastically.

Meredith pursed her lips. "I do like her, she has been nothing but nice to me. As a matter of fact today she let me deliver a baby in the ER and after that she let me perform a c-section," Meredith said with a nod. "So yes I like Addison and she is my friend and I don't care anymore that she stole my boyfriend," she said firmly with a nod.

"Oh my god! You got to perform a c-section, how cool it that!" Cristina and Izzie said in unison.

"Yeah it was pretty cool," Meredith smiled.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Even though Addie wasn't exactly fond of living in a trailer, she had to admit the land surround the trailer was breath taking. Once everything was behind them, she hoped she could talk Derek into building a house on the land. She snuggled deeper into the crook of Derek's arm and looked over her coffee thinking how nice it would be, the house would have to have lots of big windows, so they could enjoy the view from anywhere in the house.

Addie still needed to let Derek know that Meredith and Izzie knew about Aidan and Danica. She needed to prepare him, just incase the rumors got started around the hospital. He would never forgive her, if everyone started talking and he had no warning.

"Derek there is something you need to know," she said as she bit her lower lip, trying to compose what she was going to say.

He looked at her with concern, "This sounds serious"

She nodded, "It is." She took a deep breath and slowly blew it out. "Okay there is no easy way to say this so. . .," she paused again.

Derek was starting to worry, things were really starting to come back together from them he reached out and gently touched her arm, encouraging her to continue.

"Meredith Grey and Izzie Stevens know." She pursed her lips and tried to gauge Derek's reaction.

Derek looked puzzled. "They know? They know what?" It dawned on him what she was talking about, he shot up to the sitting position, knocking Addie over and her coffee on the ground. He forced his fingers threw his hair; he was clearly upset by the news. He looked up at Addie, "How did they find out?"

Addie bowed her head.

"You told them?" he exploded and jumped to his feet, he started pacing back and forth.

Addie jumped to her feet too and stood in front of Derek and took him by the shoulders.

"Derek I didn't tell them they inadvertently found out." She pleaded with him to listen to her "I talked to Mrs. Storm about it. I showed her a photograph and forgot it to take it back. Meredith and Izzie found the photograph last night when they checked on Molly and Jeremy."

"Oh that's just great Addison; you leave a family photograph with some patient and its laying around so everyone in the hospital can see it." He turned his back on her again, he was fuming.

"Derek I didn't mean to leave it and I did get the photograph back. Meredith gave it to me this afternoon. I'm sure Meredith and Izzie were the only ones who saw."

"Oh that's real comforting." Derek reached in the trailer and grabbed Doc's leash he whistled to Doc and said, "Come on Doc we are going for a run."

Doc's ear's peeked up when he heard the word run. He hooked the leash on Doc's collar and took off for his run without another word.

Addie sank back to the loveseat, wrapped the blanket around her then pulled her knees tightly to her chest. Well she knew he wasn't going to take the news well and it had gone pretty much as she had expected. She could only hope that he would work his frustration out on his run.

Addie's mobile phone started to ring, the tune _Bitch_ played telling her just who it was. "Hey Randi, no you weren't interrupting anything, Derek just went for a run." Addie listened. "Sure I'd love to, I really need to talk to you, how does 30 minutes sound?" She rose from the loveseat and heading for the trailer and wrote a note to Derek and left it on the kitchen table.

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	6. Chapter 6

The Reason Why – Part VI

Derek's mind was racing how could she do that? She knew how he felt about people in Seattle knowing. He slowed as he reached the lake and bent at the waste with his hands on his knees while he tried to get his breathing back under control. Doc nudged a stick with his nose in his direction. He reached out and scratched Doc on the head okay boy I know you want to play. He picked up the stick and threw as far as he could. Doc happily raced after it. The scruffy dog retrieved the stick and raced back to him and dropped it at his feet. Derek picked the stick up again, he put his hands on his hips and started to pace. Doc followed him as he pace, he kept trying to snatch the stick out of his hand but every time he got close to getting it back he would raise it out of reach. Derek was oblivious of what he was doing.

"You understand why I'm upset, don't you Doc?" he said in frustration.

Doc sat in front of master staring up at the stick hoping he would throw it again, but for some reason he wasn't doing what he was suppose. Doc liked it much better when his other master took him for walks she never forgot to let go of the stick.

"I mean seriously," he started to pace back and forth again.

Doc cocked his head and looked at his master _okay I'm all up for trying fun new games but seriously walking back and forth back and forth back and forth. I really don't see the point._ Doc walked in front of him master laid down and rolled on him back.

"I really don't think I'm being. . ." He tripped and fell to the ground. "What the hell. . ." He sat up and looked at the dog lying under his legs. "God Doc I don't know if I can deal with this." He let himself fall back on the ground and he stared up at the night sky.

Doc crawled out from under his master's legs walked up to his head and began to lick his face _come on buddy throw the stick_. Doc decided to give up on his master throwing the stick, he lay down next to his master and rested his head on his master's shoulder.

Derek reached over and scratched Doc's head, he struggled to clear his mind, he didn't want to be mad at Addie but he couldn't help himself. He closed his eyes and willed himself to calm down, he willed himself to forget. Maybe a miracle will happen and Meredith and Izzie will keep there mouths shut.

Doc gave a puzzled look at his master _I sure hope he doesn't plan on us sleeping out here_, Doc sighed _I still want my night time snack. My other master always gives me a snack when I come back from my night time run and no offence buddy I'd rather sleep by my other master_.

Derek arrived back at the trailer an hour later. He wasn't quite ready to deal with Addie yet he hoped she went to sleep so he would have more time to think. He quietly opened the door to the trailer, only the light over the stove was on.

Doc bounded for the bed he stretched out and rested his head on his front paws, he looked up at Derek with sad eyes.

Derek look toward the bed but Addie wasn't there. A knot formed in his stomach when he saw she wasn't there. He went back to the refrigerator and grabbed a beer and took a seat at the kitchen table.

He looked down at the table and saw a note:

D,

Went out for awhile don't worry. On second thought worry

a little. I hope you know that I love you and would never

purposely hurt you again. I'm sorry. I honestly did not mean for Meredith and Izzie to find out about Aidan and Danica. I know how you feel about letting people here know and I respect your feelings. Please forgive me.

Love,

A

Derek finished reading the note, deep down he knew Addie didn't mean to hurt him and he knew he was being a jerk. He only hoped she wouldn't come home too late, he wanted to be able to apologize to her tonight.

Doc hoped his other master would come home soon too because he really did want his snack.

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Addie sat back in the chair and she took a sip of her of her wine, mmm she thought Shiraz, it was her favorite wine. Addie had just spent the better part of the last hour filling Miranda in on the events of her day since their lunch.

"Tell me you are kidding, please tell me that Grey and Stevens don't really know, you are playing a joke on me right?" Miranda shook her head. "I've never seen interns with such big mouths before in my life"

"Gee thanks Randi I feel much better. I'm so happy I ran over here so you could give me such a wonderful pep talk," Addie gave her a crooked grin.

"Uh huh you know me, I always aim to please," she smiled back. "In all honesty I really think in this case Grey and Stevens will keep quiet." She reached over and took Addie's hand. "So he was really that upset."

"Yeah I was expecting him to be upset though, so it's okay. I just hope he has time to cool off and realized I did mean for them to find out," she let out a sigh and took another sip of her wine.

"Please tell me you waited until after dessert to tell him," she grinned at her friend.

"Randi what kind of girl do you think I am," she said in mock offence.

"Ah so you did wait until after dessert," she laughed.

"You better believe it," she smirked.

Both women laughed.

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An hour later Addie walked through the trailer door, Doc greeted her as she entered. She crouched down to give him a hug. "Hey there Doc I'm happy to see you too." She walked over to the cabinet opened the door, reached in and pulled out Doc's treat box; she pulled one out and tossed it over her shoulder. Doc caught the treat and munched away; sitting at Addie's feet wagging his tail. The door to the bathroom opened and Derek walked out. Addie looked at him nervously not sure if he was still mad. As soon as he realized she was home a smile grew on his face. He crossed the trailer to her and wrapped his arms around her.

"I'm sorry I was a jerk I shouldn't have been so upset with you." The words rushed out. "I know you didn't mean for them to find out," he took her chin in his hand and leaned in too give her a kiss. "Honest I'm not mad anymore."

He kissed her again; this time with more feeling, then took her hand and lead her to their bed.

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Addison sat on the locker room floor, she was leaning against the lockers with her head in her hands. "Damn it why did this have to happen now things have been going so great." She grimaced as she thought about how happy she and Derek had been for the last month, they were so close being the old Derek and Addie, how could this happen now.

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Addison sat in Richard Webber's office she had to clear her plans with the chief before she could do anything. "I need to go back to New York."

Richard interrupted her, "What! You can't you are under contract, why on earth do you want to go back to New York. I thought things were better with you and Derek." He scowled. "I'm going to get that boy in here right now and we will fix whatever is wrong."

Addison tried desperately to interrupt him but he wouldn't let her get a word in. Finally she shouted, "Richard relax you didn't let me finish! I only want to go for the weekend."

"Just for the weekend?" he asked relief flooded his face.

She nodded, "I have my flight information I leave Thursday evening and return Monday morning."

"Why the sudden trip?" he asked with concern.

Addison pursed her lips and looked Richard in the eye. Did she really need to remind him?

"Oh right I'm sorry Addie I remember," his face softened. "Does Derek need the time off too?" he gently asked.

"No," her eyes dropped to her hands she fiddled with the bottom button of her shirt. "He won't be joining me," she said quietly.

"Addie," he said sternly. "Don't you think he should be doing this with you?" He leaned back in his chair and steeple his fingers in front of him. His face softened again. "I thought you two were dealing with this. I thought he was finally starting to open up."

She gave him a weak smile, "No he still refuses to talk with me but he finally has accepted the fact that I need to talk about it and is finally okay with people here knowing what happened. I think the fact that Meredith and Izzie never told anyone but me what they knew helped him accept it."

"Do you want me to try to talk to him again?" he smiled sympathetically at her. It was hard for Richard to see his friends in so much pain. It was hard seeing Addie and Derek struggling so hard to move on.

"Well," she began. "You are welcome to try but I doubt it will do any good." She put her head back and rubbed her eyes. "I don't know what to do. We are so close, so close to getting what we had back but it's still so fragile." She stopped and tried to maintain her composure, it wasn't working a tear escaped her eye and she wiped it away. "I'm so afraid Derek is going to retreat again, especially when I tell him," her tears started to flow faster. She didn't want to think of how Derek would react when she told him what she discovered that morning. This was going to make or break them.

"Tell him what Addie?" he prompted when it became apparent she wasn't going to continue.

Addie dried her tears one more time and managed to finally stop the flow of tears. "Nothing its not important right now." She gave him a tight smile. "So you are okay with my going away for the weekend?" she smiled weakly.

"Absolutely Addie." With that the chief rose from his desk walked around and gave her a hug. "You take care of yourself while you are in New York you hear me?"

Addie quickly nodded.

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Addie and Derek stood in front of the airport. Derek had his arms tightly around his wife and held her head close to his chest. Addie said into his chest, "I just wish you would come with me. We both should be going." She felt the warm tears starting to fall down her cheeks again she was scared to death that with him not coming not doing this with her, that they would fall apart when she could no longer keep her secret. She needed him to do this with her but she couldn't push him into coming with her.

Derek cradled her chin in his hand and turned her face up to him. He saw the pain in her face. He knew it was killing her, him not to join her not to go with and be there for her to support her. But he just couldn't do it he wouldn't do it. He bent down and gently pressed his lips to hers. The kiss started to slowly build he could taste her tears as the kiss went on. It wasn't until they parted he realized his tears were mingled with hers.

"I loved you Addie," he brushed some tears away with his thumb.

"I love you too Derek," she reached up and brushed his tears away with her thumb. She brought her thumb to her lips, kissed it then gently caressed his lips with her thumb.

"Call me when you land," he choked out.

"I will," she pulled away and headed into the airport.

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"I can't believe he didn't go with her," Izzie shook her head. "Seriously how could he let her do this alone?"

"Honestly I don't know," a determined look crossed Meredith's face. "But I am going to talk to him. Maybe Addie was right maybe some how I can get him to open up and get him to go after her."

"Seriously?" Izzie stared open mouthed.

"Seriously," Meredith said with a nod.

A big smile grew on Izzie's face she grabbed Meredith into a hug, "I'm so proud of you" she exclaimed.

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If you had told Meredith a month ago she would be trying to save Derek and Addie's marriage she would have told you, you were insane. She never wanted to be the one who caused it to fall apart again. But a month ago she wouldn't have been complaining if it did. But now she knew. This last month she had seen glimpses of just how perfect Derek and Addie were together and she was going to do everything in her power to make sure they made it back to 100 percent.

Meredith knew Derek was in his office. She gently knocked on his door and heard him indicate that she could enter.

The back of his chair was facing the door and he was leaning back in his chair staring out at the Seattle skyline.

Derek saw Meredith enter his line of sight.

She walked up and stood before the windows taking in the expansive view.

"Did you need something Meredith?" he asked in a far away voice.

"Yeah I need you to stop being such an asshole," she replied.

"Oh nice language Meredith," he said with irritation and pursed his lips. "Now tell me what you really want?"

"I already told you," she simply stated.

When he didn't say anything she quickly turned and faced him and asked, "Don't you think you punished her enough?"

"Punished her? What the hell are you talking about? I forgave Addison a longtime ago for the affair," he said angrily.

"Oh my god you really are dense you don't get it!" She exclaimed.

"Get what?" he looked puzzled.

Meredith closed her eyes and shook her head.

"Derek you idiot Addison thinks you blame her!" she said with frustration.

"Blame her . . . for the affair?" He seemed even more confused.

Meredith smacked Derek upside the head. "Seriously are you brain damaged? I already told you I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT THE GOD DAMN AFFAIR!" She threw her hands up in the air out of frustration.

"You're not? Then what the hell are you talking about?" Then it hit him, it hit him hard, he felt like a ton of brick had fallen on him. No she can't possibly think that. Can she? He shot out of his chair grabbed Meredith by her shoulders and gave her a kiss on the cheek and whispered, "Thank you." And with that he was out of the room.

Meredith stood leaning against the window, she could feel the cold glass on her forehead, "Did that really just work?"

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Addison sat on the stone bench; she gripped the edge tightly with her hands. She couldn't believe it had been two years, how could that much time have passed. How could her son and daughter been gone for two years. She bit her lower lip trying to keep her tears at bay. "I know it's been a while since I visited but I was on the other side of the country. I know both of you would have loved it in Seattle. You would have loved chasing Doc around the big yard." She let the tears flow now "Daddy sends his love." Just then she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Daddy can tell them he loves them himself." Addie's eye opened wide in surprise as she heard her husband's voice.

Derek sat down next to her on the bench then gathered her in his arms and pulled her on to his lap. He held her close and stroked her hair as she cried.

"I was wrong to not allow you to talk about Aidan and Danica. It was wrong of me because not talking about them is like wishing they never existed and I would rather have seven years with Aidan and four hours with Danica, then to have never have known them at all," he kissed the top of her head again.

"I swear to god Addie I never blamed you for what happened, not for one second," he kissed her temple. He lifted her chin so she could look him in the eye. "I swear Addie I never ever did, I don't know why on earth you would think I would blame you for one second but I swear I never did, never."

"But it was my fault," she cried and buried her face in his chest.

"What on earth would make you think it was your fault, it was an accident. There was no way on this earth that it was your fault, so why on earth would you think that?" he pleaded with her.

"You didn't want him to play baseball. I signed him up even though I knew you didn't want him to play," she sobbed.

"Addie," he hugged her tighter. "Aidan wanted to play he loved baseball. Hell he knew every stat of every player on the Yankees that year. There was no way he wasn't going to play. I was being an ass when I said I didn't want him to play. Do you know why I didn't want him to play?" She shook her head in his chest. "I didn't want him to play because I didn't want to have to go to all those dumb games. I really hate baseball. My reasons for not wanting him to play were selfish and I was wrong. No one could have ever foreseen that accident happening. The odds Addie," he hugged her tighter and kissed her gently on her temple. "It wasn't your fault you believe me? Please tell me you believe me." She nodded her head into his chest.

"But Danica she was my fault," she whispered.

Derek shook his head. "No, no Danica wasn't your fault, you know as well as I do. Don't you dare blame yourself for Danica's death."He lifted her face so she was facing him again. "Tell me you know," he whispered.

"I know," she whispered back.

"Addie we had a beautiful family and it was taken away because of a tragic accident. There was nothing any one could have done. It was an accident. There is absolutely nothing I would have changed in the way we raised our kids, nothing," he took a deep breath. "If we were to have another child, I would want to do everything exactly the same. Hell if that child loved baseball and really wanted to play, I would let him or her play and I would be happy to go to every damn one of those stupid games."

Derek caressed Addie cheek then gave her a soft kiss. "I love you Addison Forbes Montgomery Shepherd, I love you, I love you with all my heart and soul and I can only hope that one day we would be blessed with another child."

Addison's heart melted she loved him so much. "I love you too Derek. I love you so much. I love you with my heart and soul," she reached up and stroked his cheek and kissed him.

She then pulled away and stared up in his eyes, "Derek?"

"Yes baby?" he smiled and kissed her temple again.

"Did you really mean it?" she could see him purse his lips in frustration. She didn't think he understood her question. "Did you really mean it when you said you wanted another child?"

Derek's eyes softened and a smile spread across his face. "There isn't a better gift in this world that you could give me."

Addie snuggled into his chest. "You have no idea what a relief that is to me and how happy that makes me." She smiled into his chest that is when she knew Derek and she were going to be ok.

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	7. Epilogue

**The Reason Why **

**Epilogue**

Addison Forbes Montgomery Shepherd sat in the front pew of the church and took her husband's hand in hers as he slid in and sat next to her. She looked toward her husband and smiled at the silver mane of hair that had replaced his dark curls and caressed his cheek as she noticed his eyes shining with emotion. They might have just celebrated their thirty-eighth wedding anniversary last month but not a day had gone by since they worked through their difficult reconciliation had he not let her know how much he loved her.

Derek looked over at his wife and noticed a single tear rolling down her cheek, he smiled and took her hand in his then leaned over gave her a light kiss on her cheek. He beamed a smile at his wife, he might have let himself go gray gracefully but not Addie, she still had her vibrant red hair, she wore it shorter these days and continued to keep her chic style. She was indeed his soul mate, best friend and the love of his life and not a day went by that she didn't remind him of this.

He squeezed her hand and marveled at how lucky they were to save their marriage. They had been so close to losing it all. But because of one little boy they were made to face their demons and work through them. They had become stronger as a result and they were blessed with two beautiful children. Their daughter Madeline Forbes Shepherd was born eight months after their trip to New York. That trip was the final turning point in their reconciliation they were finally able to accept the past and not hide from it. A year later their son Montgomery Mahoney Shepherd graced their family.

Much to Addie's surprise it had turned out she loved Seattle and it was indeed their home more so then New York ever was. Long gone was the trailer, it had been replaced by a lovely home which they designed together to raise their family.

Seattle Grace was more then a hospital they worked at, it was their extended family. Everyone there felt they had a stake in the Shepherd's marriage and would make sure they never slipped into the bad habits of their past. In the beginning their friends would worry when they would have one of their volatile fights but they soon realized they were simply passionate people and they fought and made up. They were never in any danger of falling back into being indifferent, they had learned from their past mistakes.

Addie could feel more tears rolling down her cheek as she watched her twenty-six year old daughter stand before the man she loved professing their love to one and other. Derek wrapped his arm around his wife's shoulder pulled her close and smiled. He smiled on at his daughter who shared his wife's tall willowy figure, vibrant red hair, blue-green eyes and her quirky smile. He was taken aback at how beautiful she looked today reminding him of her mother on her wedding day, it made him a little sad to think his little girl was all grown up. He turned back to his wife and she smiled back when noticed he now had tears rolling down his cheek as well; she leaned over and gave him a gentle kiss on his cheek.

Of course they were both nervous their daughter's decision to marry at such a young age, but they were in love and had known each other their entire life. They had always thought of their future son-in-law as part of their family. The newly weds would both be starting their internship at Seattle Grace that year. Both Addie and Derek were well aware of the difficulties they faced, but they also knew from experience they could live a long happy life together; they only needed to keep their priorities.

Montgomery who had his father's dark curly hair and piercing blue eyes but was much taller stood by the groom as the best man and Callie and George's daughter Sara was the maid of honor. The rest of the bridal party was made up of other Seattle Grace staff member's children.

"I, Madeline Forbes Shepherd take you William George Bailey Jones. . ." Both the bride and groom's parents beamed with pride as they watched their children exchange their vows. They were indeed one big happy family.

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I had been meaning to write for sometime now and finally got around to it. I hope you all enjoyed the story.


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